The Joys (and Challenges!) of Working Together

We’ve been seeing couples together for around fifteen years but four years ago, we made it our full time job. We love what we do, but that is not to say that we don’t have our bad days and challenges; because we really do.

Working together isn’t for every couple. In fact, some people look horrified when we say what we do. “Oh we’d hate that. We’d drive each other mad!”

But there are others who look at us wistfully, trying to think through how they could re-arrange their lives to make it work for them. And then there are the couples who already do work together either full time or part-time. It’s always interesting to compare notes and discover how they find it.

In our recent leaders' survey, 80% of respondents said that they do (or want to) lead together with their spouse in a paid or voluntary capacity. 97% said that they love it but 40% admitted that it can put a strain on them as a couple.

We’ve been reflecting on some of the joys and challenges that we’ve found working together. The list is by no means exhaustive:

SARAH'S JOYS

• We get to create a shared vision and live out a shared purpose together.
• We can be flexible with our time and make it work for us.
• We have an easy shorthand as we know each other well.
• We have complimentary skills that we can pull together.
• We can share in the celebrations and challenges of our work.

SARAH'S CHALLENGES

• We have different approaches to time keeping and this can often stress me out!
• Being self employed means there’s no pension contributions or sick or holiday pay for either of us.
• It can be hard sometimes to focus on work when there are other things that need doing.
• If we have a disagreement or an argument, we have to keep going or cancel what we’re doing whilst we work it out.
• We sometimes find ourselves pulling at different speeds and that can be frustrating.

DAVID'S JOYS

• Just being with my best friend all day is pretty cool. Hanging out. Working. Resting. It’s great having Sarah around to chat with, bounce ideas off or just to joke around and have fun with.
• It’s a real joy to do a job that I love doing, with my wife. We are both passionate about our job so it is amazing to be able to discuss ideas and aspects of the work with a colleague whenever I like. And she’s better at it than me (always has been - always will be - I'm at peace with this, it's not a competition!) so I also get to learn from her too.
• Being able to make love in the afternoon. Best. Job. Ever.
• Because we are our own bosses (and although this is different than just working together, seeing as in a sense, we’re both our own bosses I’m including it here) we can choose to prioritise time as a family too. Neither or us have had to miss out on any of our son’s significant childhood moments or school events. The three of us (including our son) probably take it somewhat for granted in that, as we’ve always chosen to be this intentional, we don’t know what it’s like not to be about for each other. However I can’t even begin to imagine choosing a different way of life than this if we could turn back time and choose another way of living and working.
• For someone who would normally prefer to do the same thing over and over, there is something about every day being different that is strangely appealing. Even though the majority of our work is the same ie: coaching (as opposed to teaching or writing for example) because each couple is unique and different from any other, each day is different from any other too. We may see a couple in the morning or the evening, on weekdays or weekends. We can be flexible with our life and work in a way that other couples might not be able to.

DAVID'S CHALLENGES

• The flexibility can be an issue. Every day can be different and although that is interesting and varied, it can be hard to schedule in proper rest time. Because we don’t work a strict 9-5 and then switch off (and I am aware who does these days?) the distinction between a work day and a rest day isn’t always as clear as it can be.
• It can be hard to hold each other accountable at times because we understand why the work hasn’t been done. We know who’s had to deal with a sudden migraine. Or who’s had to get the battery replaced in the car. Or organise the clear up and replacement of the fence that got blown over. We allow ourselves the slack that a stricter boss might not care about. Perhaps it’s better for our life balance but not always for our work balance.
• Being able to think that it would be fun to make love in the afternoon but can’t because Sarah might be feeling grumpy and hormonal or (quite rightly) annoyed that I haven’t done as much work as I should have done in the morning or when we’re having to homeschool due to COVID-19 lockdowns. However, the fact that it still might be a possibility keeps it being the Best. Job. Ever.
• Even though we love what we do and love doing it together, we don’t always agree on exactly how we should do it. Like this article, for instance, Sarah thinks it should have been shorter (see her bullet points above) whereas I wanted to really explore what the joys/challenges mean for us in longer form.
• Sometimes it is easy (for me) to not worry about who else I’m seeing. I’m more of an introvert than Sarah, and so I need less people to interact with so we have to make sure there’s more people about to play with, which is clearly hard in lockdown.

So that's what we find joyful and challenging. If you work together what would you put on your list of joys and challenges? And if you don’t, but want to someday, what steps could you put in place today to make that dream become a reality?