Multi-generational Lockdown

As we start a New Year it is an interesting time to stop and reflect on what was a very extraordinary year in so many ways. What did you learn most from your experiences of 2020? What will you take forward or leave behind? I think I learnt the most from our multi-generational living set-up in the first UK lockdown.

If you are grandparents, or have children yourself, or have ever had the experience of living with your extended family members for a period of time, you will know that community living can be interesting (to say the least!) And so for a few months this year Guy and I found ourselves sharing our home with our two sons, their respective wives and our twin three-month old grandsons.

Looking back I can see that living with three generations under one roof gave us some valuable insights into our changing roles, and our everyday habits. The transition from parent to grandparent proved quite a shift.

As a parent you have a leading role in the unfolding drama of your child’s life. You start off as a screen writer before moving onto director and producer. As they grow older you become more of a support act. When they finally leave the nest, you take on more of a glamorous trouble-shooter or consultant role, on good days, and get stuck with backstage maintenance the rest of the time.

But then as a grandparent you are suddenly invited to make a regular guest appearances in the drama, which is a great thrill again, but it is different to the other roles. As the guest star, you get to read an unfamiliar script that the parents are now writing, in the way that they want you to read it. You’re not always given the freedom to ad-lib lines or explore different motivations for your character. In short you need to submit to their direction.

So, for me 2020 was about learning to take direction rather than direct, and it wasn’t always easy. One day, I was just putting my sheets in the washing machine, when my son informed me it was better (in terms of removing germs) to wash them at 60 degrees not my usual 40. I can only imagine the untold damage we have done over the years to our unsuspecting family!

But it was not just our washing of sheets that was challenged. A number of our other habits were gently but firmly questioned. Take food wastage for example. Guy and I don’t like to waste food, so we always clingfilm left overs, put them in the fridge and then throw them away when they go mouldy. We got away with this duplicity when it was just the two of us. But not with witnesses. Our inconsistencies and hypocrisies were exposed for all to see.

Do we really need that second gin and tonic or a glass of wine with our meal MID-WEEK? Have we ensured fresh water for the baby bottle steriliser? Did we use a different chopping board for the raw meat? Have we consulted everyone about a second visit to the supermarket when the government advice is just one?

Our lack of discipline, lack of hygiene, and non consultative practices were challenged big time. And this was probably no bad thing (we reasoned) as we snuck in an extra glass of wine when the kids weren’t looking!

We may no longer be screen writers or directors in the way we once were. We may have developed some bad habits over the years. But 2020 taught us to look at ourselves in new ways, to experience other scripts, to take direction (rather than give it) and to actually enjoy playing different roles in the great theatre that is family life.