The Impact of a Leader's Marriage
For seven years I worked with Nicky and Sila Lee, helping them produce The Marriage Course. As a single person at the time, I learnt so much about building a strong marriage from observing them and how they lived out what they taught.
I remember one day we were in a meeting looking at their over-booked diary for the following few weeks.
“When are you going to fit in your dates nights?”, I asked in alarm.
It transpired that they had a plan to squeeze in a couple of special breakfast times together and I remember replying,
We can also all probably think of couples that have had a positive influence on our lives. Perhaps ones that modelled love or patience or hospitality or joint leadership or compassion or generosity or showed us what is possible when two people pull together in the same direction. Perhaps that couple is or was our parents, our grandparents, a couple we worked with, leaders we have known, friends or a couple we’ve observed from afar. Whoever, they are or were, their positive impact on our lives is likely to last a lifetime or longer, if we’ve been able to pass on what we received from them.
A few months ago, David and I were preparing to give a talk on Building a Marriage that Makes a Difference and I asked around 20 leaders whether they had an agreed mission statement or something similar (but less formal) for their marriage. Not one did. I expect if I’d asked if they had one for their church or organisation they would have been able to rattle one off. It's hard to be deliberate about the direction your marriage could take you if you don't know the difference that you want your marriage to make. How would you have the support or resources to help you be the couple you want to be or to do all you've set your heart on?
That’s why our passion is to encourage couples to pause, reflect and to be intentional about the impact they want to have together.
I remember one day we were in a meeting looking at their over-booked diary for the following few weeks.
“When are you going to fit in your dates nights?”, I asked in alarm.
It transpired that they had a plan to squeeze in a couple of special breakfast times together and I remember replying,
Oh that’s good, because our jobs rely on your marriage!
It was a flippant and somewhat cheeky remark but within it was a serious point. Every marriage makes an impact on those around them, for good or bad and if you’re a couple in leadership your sphere of influence is going to be even greater. We are all likely to know the devastating impact that happens when a senior leader in the church has an affair, not just on his or her own marriage and family but on the hundreds or thousands of people who know them, work with them or follow them.We can also all probably think of couples that have had a positive influence on our lives. Perhaps ones that modelled love or patience or hospitality or joint leadership or compassion or generosity or showed us what is possible when two people pull together in the same direction. Perhaps that couple is or was our parents, our grandparents, a couple we worked with, leaders we have known, friends or a couple we’ve observed from afar. Whoever, they are or were, their positive impact on our lives is likely to last a lifetime or longer, if we’ve been able to pass on what we received from them.
A few months ago, David and I were preparing to give a talk on Building a Marriage that Makes a Difference and I asked around 20 leaders whether they had an agreed mission statement or something similar (but less formal) for their marriage. Not one did. I expect if I’d asked if they had one for their church or organisation they would have been able to rattle one off. It's hard to be deliberate about the direction your marriage could take you if you don't know the difference that you want your marriage to make. How would you have the support or resources to help you be the couple you want to be or to do all you've set your heart on?
That’s why our passion is to encourage couples to pause, reflect and to be intentional about the impact they want to have together.